Preamble

                         

                    ESHWARA UVACHA

Shree-rama ram rameti rame raame mano-rame |
Saha-sranaama tattulyam raama-naama varaa-nane ||  
  Raama-naama varaa-nana om nama iti  || ||

     

     I am a staunch devotee of Bhagwan Shri Ram.  I pray other Gods, too. However, as the name of Bhagwan Shri Ram is short and easy to pronounce, I keep uttering it more often than I pray other Gods.  I utter  Visnu Sahasranama sostram whenever I could.  When there is no time to say Visnu Sahasranama sostram, I utter the above sloka.  Bhagwan Siva has said that uttering the above sloka once is equivalent to uttering the entire Vishnu Sahasranama.  

    Some days ago, before turning in, I prayed as usual, and went to sleep.  Suddenly I felt something odd.  I opened my eyes and realised that  I was lying on my face.  I suddenly felt a very hard kick on my ribs.  It was excruciatingly painful.   I lifted my head slowly...Oh!  I couldn't believe it!  It was Bhagwan Shri Ram!  He looked exactly as in a painting I have at home.  This is what I saw: 

                                                 

     When I was lifting my head I noticed some movement; it was Shri Hanuman!  He was taking his place at the feet of Shri Ram, as in the above painting.  I slowly got up on my knees with folded hands and had a full dharshan of Shri Ram!  I then noticed that His brothers were missing.  Shri Hanuman's face did not look as benign, gentle and innocuous as in the painting.  He looked grim and intimidating.  I became nervous, distressed, perturbed and tense.  With a shaky voice I asked Shri Ram "Oh! Bhagwan!  Are you....are you.. really what I see?".
     Bhagwan Shri Ram with his usual beautiful, enchanting etc. smile said "Of course! My child".
     "Sir, may I ask you a question?" I asked Him.
     "Sure".
     "Sir,  from what I have heard and read, You went into the river Sarayu and merged with Maha Vishnu.  I am confused!.  Am I in Swargalokam?".
     "No! My lad, you are in Ramalokam" said Bhagwan.
     "Bbut, Ssir, I..I have nn.ever heard of Ramalokam"  I stammered.
     "You have never heard of many things!" said Bhagwan with a laugh.
     "That is true, Sir.  Will you please tell me what happened after you drowned yourself in the river Sarayu?  Why didn't you merge yourself with YOURSELF, I mean Bhagwan Vishnu?".
     "My child, you are asking Divine secrets!  I cannot tell you that".
     I heard a 'glug' sound.  It was the most pleasant sound I have ever heard.  I was completely mesmerised.  I looked at the direction where the sound came from.  It was from Goddess Sita.  There was a mischievous smile on her face.  The 'glug' obviously came when she tried to suppress her laughter!   Bhagwan Ram turned to Sita and asked her "Why did you glug?  Out with what you want to say".  Goddess Sita turned to me and said "My child,  My Swami cannot tell because he himself does not know!  It was all her sister's doing.  Sister tells, brother obeys!  No questions asked.  I myself asked HIM many a time to ask his sister WHY and tell me.  I am very curious.  But no asking.".
     "Ma!  I have never heard of a sister to Bhagwan Ram".
     "Who is Ram?" she asked me.
     "King Dhasaratha's eldest son and your Husband" said I.
     "O! foo!  Whose avathar is he ?".
     "Bhagwan Vishnu" I replied.  Then I remembered.  "Shakthi" I hurriedly added.
     "Right you are".
     Bhagwan Shri Ram did not seem amused.  He looked at his wife for a long moment and said in a stern tone "When my sister tells one something nobody questions her.  She tells, others obey.  Even Bhagwan Mahadev does not question her!  She knows everything; she knows what to do, why to do, where to do, who to do, how to do and when to do.  I am very proud of my dear sister!  Can you tell the same about your sister and brothers?".
    Ma Sita's face became sad and crestfallen.  Obviously Bhagwan Shri Ram was referring to the sister and brothers of NOT Sita but of Goddess Mahalakshmi.  She said in an almost inaudible voice "You are very presumptuous and arrogant.  When I came out of the Milksea (பாற்கடல்), YOU, in your usual arrogance declared me as your wife!  You did not have the courtesy to ask me".
     "Why?  My dear!  Would you have declined to marry me if  I had asked you?" asked Bhagwan Shri Ram, with a sly smile.
     " Of course NOT?  How can you ask me such an atrocious and preposturous question?".
     "Then why the formality?".
     "I would have been more pleased" said Ma Sita.
     "Sorry!  My Love!" said the Lord. smiling.
     Now that Bhagwan and Ma were reconciled, I asked the Bhagwan in a low voice "My God!  May I ask you a question?".
     "Shoot!" He said.
     "Sir!  Why I do not see your brothers?".
     "Oh!  Laxman is philandering!" said Lord Rama.
     I stammered "L..L..axman  p..p..hilandering!  W...where Sir?".
     "Inderaloka!  Where else?" Said Bhagwan.
     "W...with w...whom? S...sir?" I stuttered.
     "Ramba, Urvasi, Thilothama etc"  said the Lord.
     "Why? Sir?" I whispered.
     "He says that he is compensating the fourteen years of celibacy!".
     "But, Sir after fourteen years of celibacy he rejoined his wife, Urmila" whispered I, "and they were not separated thereafter".
     "See Sita! See Hanuman!  I told you people that this human is not an idiot" exclaimed Bhagwan.

     "We took him by his face value" chorused Ma Sita and Hanumanji.
     "Never mind!" Said the Lord, and looking at me kindly he said "I cornered him with that very same question!  You know what he said for that?".
     I shook my pint-sized head.
     "He told me that I cheated him!  In Ramayanam, he was my younger brother, but in Bhagawatham I was his younger brother!  Why?  He questioned me.  I explained that it was because I told him after the end of Ravan, that I would be his younger brother in the next birth and repay whatever he did for me in that birth.  But he did not accept that!  He told me that what I told him then was a mere formality.   He said that I decided to be his younger brother in Krishna avathar only after I had read the script which was not shown to him."
     I did not know what to say.  I was simply staring at Him, scratching my head.
     Ma Sita whispered loudly to me "He is afraid of him!".
     I stared at Her and asker "Who is afraid of whom?".
     "My Lord is afraid of his brother Laxman!".
     I was mightily surprised.  "Why?".
     "Who is Laxman?".
     "Bhagwan Shri Ram's brother".
     "O! My Lord!  I mean 'Whose Avathar is Laxman?".
     "AAdhi Seshhan!".
     "Right!  What is AAdhi Seshan to Him?  I mean Bhagwan MahaVishnu?".
     I scratched my head for a while and suddenly I got it!  "Bed!" I shouted.
     "Right again!  Now tell me what will happen if that bed uncoils itself when his master was resting on it?".
     "Hare Ram!  Bhagwan will fall into the MilkSea(பாற்கடல்)" I whispered.
     "Do you understand now why Bhagwan Shri Ram is afraid of his brother Laxman?".
     "Yes, Ma" I whispered.
     During this conversation, Bhagwan Shri Ram was looking at both of us with a smile and twinkling eyes.
     Then there was a long pause.  I swallowed twice and asked Him "My Lord!  Where are your other brothers?".
     "After minding my pair of footwear for fourteen years, Bharathan became a footwear expert.  He started a footwear business here.  Naturally Shatrugnan became his CEO.  Both have gone out in connection with their footwear business.  I understand that they have a very roaring business".
     I was aghast.  There was a long pause.  Then the Bhagwan asked me kindly "Are you wondering why you are here now?".
     "Yes, Sir" said I.
     "I want you to write Ramayanam!" said the Lord.
     "Sir, Ramayanam has been written by great people like Maharishi Valmiki,  Kambar, Tulasidass etc.  How can I, an insignificant human write that epic?  It would be blasphemy, irreverence, profanation and a sacrilege.  I cannot think of such a thing even in my wildest dream!".
     "My child!  These men have written that with some little variations, here and there.  I like Valmiki, but I like Vyas more!  Vyas has written Bhagawatham and Mahabharath.  I like the character of Krishnan in Bhagawatham and Mahabharath.  Between you and me, the accusation of Laxman is quite correct.  Oh! I am digressing.  I want you to write a Ramayanam with a difference.  I do not remember what you humans call it.  I take it that you understand my point; don't you?".
     "Sir, do you want me write a twisted version?".
     "Exactly!  See Sita! See Maruthi!  This chap is quite bright!  He got my point in a jiffy!" and turning to me He said "that's it, my lad!".
     "But Sir,  there are quite a few twisted versions of Ramayanam".
     "Yes! I know.  But in all these twisted versions the authors wandered from the main theme; in other words they lost the essence.  We sent our dupes for those versions."
     "Dupes? Sir!". I exclaimed in amazement.
     "Yes, Dupes.  In the movies in your world, dupes are employed.  I suppose you know that".
     "Yes, Sir.  I never knew that 'dupes' are employed by deities".
     "Of course we do.  Do you have any objection?' 
     "N...o...o..o" I stammered. 
     "I brought you here to command you to write a twisted version of Ramayanam, which does not deviate from the main theme.  Do you have any objection?" Bhagwan asked me.
     "No" I mumbled.
     "Say it aloud" commanded the Lord.
     I obeyed.  I Then heard a snort.  My whole body started shivering.  My vision blurred, I thought I was going to faint.
     "Maruthi!  Please do not frighten the puny human!  He is just obeying my wish" said Bhagwan Ram to Hanuman.  Then He turned to me and said  "Hanuman does not like the idea of a twisted version of Ramayanam.  It seems that he does not like you, I could not fathom the reason for the same".
     As there was nothing for me to say - if I had said 'yes' there would have been another stronger 'snort'; if I had said 'no' No How can I say No to Bhagwan Shri Ram - I kept quite, mumbling within myself  'Rama, Rama, Rama, .......'.
     Bhagwan Shri Ram smiled and told Hanuman "Maruthi, take him and leave him from where you brought him here" and then looking at me said "Start writing without any undue delay!".
     Suddenly I felt a huge hill was in front of me and I was being lifted.  I then realized that Bhagwan Hanuman was carrying me like an eagle carrying a mouse in its claws.  Then I didn't know what happened!  I thought I heard some voice "Aenna!  Aenna!..".  Later I learnt that it was my wife.  I slowly opened my eyes.  I saw some red surface!  Then I realized that I was lying in the bath-room (rest-room in American parlance) of my flat.  I tried to get up.  Then I felt that I was being lifted and thrown;  at the same time I thought I heard a voice saying something like "It will teach you!".  I found that I was lying with my face downwards.  I tried to get up; when I was on all fours I realized that I was in the dining room.  I saw the floor was red whereas it should be sort of white.  Then I found that my palms were sticky.  Then I realized that it was blood; MY blood!  I saw that blood was flowing from my nose like water from a tap!  I was feeling dizzy.  Then I heard my wife and some of my neighbours.  They helped me to go to my bed and lie on it.  I looked at the time.  It was 05 O'Clock in the morning.  Later I learned that my wife heard a noise in the 
bath room. She came and found that I was lying on the floor.  
Somehow she made me sit and lean on the wall and went to 
the other bath room to ease herself. When she came back she 
found me in the dining room that was covered with my blood.  
She ran ran out and brought some of our neighbours. They took me to the nearest hospital. There was not much damage. The 
cartilage in my nose was broken. I did not tell my wife about my visit to the Ramalokam. It would be a very convenient excuse for her to send me to a mental asylum.
I think I slept for sometime after return from the hospital. Then I started coughing, coughing day and night. I coughed more whenever I started thinking about writing Ramayanam. But I 
could not stop thinking about writing Ramayanam. That was the wish of Bhagwan Shri Ram. The cough was so severe I thought my days were numbered. I did not know what to do. I started 
uttering the name of Bhagwan Shri Ram all the time as a penance.One night Bhagwan Shri Ram appeared before me! No, Not in 
my dream but in reality. I was wide awake! Bhagwan said "My dear chap I am very sorry I made you suffer so much physically.  
It was all the doing of Hanuman, as he does not want you to write the twisted version of Ramayanam! As he is my number one 
devotee, I could not do anything! The only way to come out of 
this impasse is that you should become a very staunch devotee of Maruthi! Pray him and appease him. He will certainly be pleased and allow you to start writing the Ramayanam. Maybe he will 
then help you, too! ".  He then vanished.
I searched for the best picture of Bhagwan Maruthi and got 
one. You can see that yourself.

Don't you agree that this is the best picture of Bhagwan 
Hanuman? Yes? Thanks. Then I inquired about the best sloka 
to pray. I got this:
 मनोजवं मारुततुल्यवेगं जितेन्द्रियं बुद्धिमतां वरिष्ठ । वातात्मजं वानरयूथमुख्यं श्रीरामदूतं शरणं प्रपद्ये । 
Mano-Javam Maaruta-Tulya-Vegam Jite[a-I]ndriyam Buddhi-Mataam Varissttha | Vaata-Atmajam Vaanara-Yuutha-Mukhyam Shriiraama-Duutam Sharannam Prapadye |  
I started praying Bhagwan Hanuman with the above sloka 
whenever I could, between coughs, of course. It went on for 
some days. One day (may be night, I am not sure) Bhagwan 
Maruthi appeared before me with his usual benign smile. He 
said "My boy! Sorry! I troubled you! Okay! Start writing ....
what you call eh.. eh.. , yes twisted version. I will be within you 
and guiding you!".
"But, Sir" I said, "How can I write or do anything with this 
cough? I think I will die soon".
Bhagwan Hanuman patted me and said kindly "Sorry! again. Iinflicted the cough on you. It will go. Good Luck!". He vanished.
That very day my wife's sister's daughter took me (and my 
wife, too) to a chest specialist. After taking a lot of test and 
money the Doc. said that I was suffering from C.O.P.D. and 
mildly told me to count my days. He prescribed some medicines,
too. I smiled myself. Miraculously (not for me, but for others), I started getting better. I know the real doctor was Hanumanji.
The above was the story as to how I started writing a twisted 
version of Ramayanam.



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